Sinner
by smilingxqueen
Summary: Ah, when you have left, I finally understood. Your whole existence was important. Since everything in the world ceased to move. And the reason I was here slowly dissolves, all of it.


**A/N:** I was in a flurry of BanLaine feels this week and I had to get it down in writing or else I couldn't move on! ψ(・⺫・‶) This is my first BanLaine fic and as you might've guessed from my previous works, kinda angsty. (˃̥̥ω˂̥̥̥) I hope you all like it~ I hope to write more fluffier fics of this very, very cute couple in the future! (╯✧∇✧)╯

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Yo Elaine. It's been a while hasn't it? Funny, it seemed like only yesterday when you threw me off that goddamn tree a million times. Heh. Never thought you'd be into that kinda play, but as you know I am a flexible man~

Elaine, I never told you this, but before I met you, I wasn't exactly… living. Maybe… How should I put it… Maybe I was just… breathing. I lived like a stray dog, stealing to fill my stomach, travelling to strange places, keeping to myself. I never knew what I was aiming for, nor what the reason was for me being here. I was lost. Thieving, looting, pilfering… it's the only thing I have; but, it doesn't give me any satisfaction at all. I tried to get along with people, but I always get the same looks from the people I met. It's as though I was dirt in their eyes, and they treated me like one. If you just knew what I went through all these years, you would've looked at me with pity in your eyes now. I lived a pretty shitty life, and that's when I thought, if I lived long enough, would I find the answer?

And then… I met you. You, who appeared in front of me in this hell, in this darkness, like starlight.

Did you know? That week was the happiest moment in my life. That's the reason why I wanted to have you, why I wanted to bring your brother back so that I could take you with me. I didn't want that week to end. You made me feel like I was accepted, and with just that I… I was never more happier than I've ever been. I finally met somebody who listened to me, who didn't treat me like dirt. All my life I thought I was trash, that I'd die without anything, but all of that changed. I didn't thought I deserved it, but as the days passed, I wanted more. As the days passed, you began to turn into something that I hoped for. How? What was I in the past? How did I live before I met you? I forgot all of that… because you gave me something new… Something to look forward to.

A _promise_.

Sometimes, I wish I hadn't met you, Elaine. If Zhivago didn't tell me where the forest were… If I hadn't stepped one foot into the land of the fairies… If I didn't climb that stupid tree… If I didn't set my sight into your golden eyes… You would still be alive. I would be somewhere far away, thieving like I would always do, or maybe in a jail somewhere, or crouching somewhere in the darkness after being beaten by some drunkards. I thought it would be better if our paths never crossed.

But, Elaine, I wouldn't have known these feelings if we never met. I wouldn't have felt the happiness, the feeling of having somebody there who made me feel complete, that I will never again walk alone. You were there with me. In all the years that I lived on this land, it was only those seven days that made sense, it was only those seven days that I felt I was alive.

I never though those peaceful days would end. I was so sure that I would live my life with you, but I was greedy, Elaine. And for that, I was punished. As quickly as you came into my life, you were taken just as fast.

Why? Had I not lived my life hard enough? Had I not suffered enough? How could they take you away from me? You, who have not sinned, who only protected your home, who gave me so much, so much happiness that I didn't deserve.

I was ready to believe in whatever gods that existed… if they could just… please, if it's only you… if they'd let you live… I would've passed on peacefully. But, it's too late… far too late. Or was it because I'm a sinner.

And my punishment… was to live this immortal life without you.

There's nothing out here for me, Elaine. I'm alone, forever. Even though I have Cap'n and the others, it's still not the same. Sure, I don't get bored when I'm with them since there are so many things to do, but, at the end of the day, I still face the fact that you're not with me. That you're dead. Forever trapped in the City of the Departed.

It hurts, Elaine. There's a whirlwind of anger, sadness, loneliness that's been brewing inside me ever since the day I lost you. I'm desperate. I want to see you again, I want to hold you, I want what's mine. In my desperation I tried to kill the only person besides you who accepted me for who I am. I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice! I need you, Elaine, only you, no one else matters. Not the Seven Deadly Sins, not the people of this kingdom, not even myself.

I want to die, Elaine. But I can't. Please… tell me. How could I go on living? I have to find a way to revive you. No, I will find a way! Even if I have to fight endless wars… if I could see you one more time… I wouldn't want anything else.

Are you listening, Elaine?

Elaine…

Wait for me.


End file.
